Who Are You?
“About 12 or 13 years ago, when my kids were around 3 and 6 years old, my life was especially busy. My husband and I were raising a family while running a business that was just exploding and always full of multiple challenges. I had been living life at a pace that I knew was way too frantic, and I had lost touch with my inner calm — always rushing, rarely ‘just being.’ So, in hopes of reconnecting with myself, I asked my husband to take over all my duties for a long weekend (not a small request!), and headed to Mount Madonna — a yoga community and retreat center situated on a 355-acre mountain top forest in Watsonville, CA — for a long weekend of self-discovery with one the world’s foremost Buddhist psychology and meditation teachers, Jack Kornfield. I was fortunate to have the company of my sister Ruth and good friend Ellen for this undertaking that felt very important and essential.
“There were hundreds of other enlightenment-seekers at this workshop. We filled a big hall with our sincere intentions. Starting Friday evening, continuing all through Saturday into the night, and resuming early Sunday morning, Jack Kornfield led us through many breathing exercises, guided meditations, and psychological challenges to help us learn about ourselves, see our ingrained patterns, and find our deepest personal wisdom. We were all in a very special state: vividly alive and aware, feeling our many strengths and vulnerabilities, and in awe of the many new things we learned about ourselves and our lives.
“In this special ‘open’ state, we were now going to end the retreat with our most important session. We were told to pair up; my sister and I were partners. There was semicircle after semicircle of people fanning out from the small stage that held Jack Kornfield, and Ruth and I somehow ended up in the very front, right near Jack. Our assignment was simple but profound: we were to stare deeply into our partner’s eyes, and one partner would start by asking the other: WHO ARE YOU? The question would to be repeated until the answer arose from deep within the other person, and then the partners would switch.
“Ruth asked me this important question first. ‘WHO ARE YOU?’
“Soon, all around us, people were saying their questions and answers. I remember hearing, ‘I am a little girl who never felt like her mommy loved her,’ and other more esoteric answers. All round us people began sobbing as they discovered truths previously unknown to their conscious minds.
“Ruth kept asking me patiently, ‘WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU?’
“Then suddenly, from deep within me, my true answer arose. From the center of my heart and out my mouth came these words: ‘I AM SOMEONE WHO LOVES GRILLED SAUSAGE BUT NEVER EATS IT.’
“Ruth and I were shocked for a moment. Then we looked at each other and burst into screams of laughter we couldn’t control! We had to get ourselves out of that room ASAP as our laughter continued to escalate. Laughing hysterically (feeling guilty about it but unable to stop), we picked our way through hundreds of people having peak experiences toward the door and the freedom to be as loud as we needed to be.
“The session ended and our friend Ellen emerged, demanding to know what had happened. When we told her, she immediately said, ‘Corralitos sausage is the best and it’s right near here. We can get some on our way back.’
“I went home and shared my big revelation with my family — the biggest lesson I had learned during my special three day retreat. And while it may seem incredibly superficial, it actually felt like it could have real significance in my life. Why, if I truly loved grilled sausage, did I NEVER, EVER eat it???
“Our mission was clear: for dinner we cooked well-grilled sausage served with a side of pasta and tomato sauce. It was so delicious! I ate my fill and adored each and every bite.
“Now, so many years later, Pasta & Sausage is still my family’s favorite dinner. And often my kids’ friends arrange their visits to our house to come over on a Pasta & Sausage night. Ask any of our kids’ good friends, and they will confirm that Pasta & Sausage is the dinner most often to be had and savored at our family table.”
